England, Please Stop Exporting Female “Soul” Singers

It is high time to call attention to all of the emerging British female singer-songwriters with a penchant for bee-hives and way too much liquid eyeliner. I have to admit, when Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse hit it big in the media (mostly tabloids) I didn’t really pay too much attention, but it is now being forced down America’s throats. Granted, It was mostly fun to giggle about how cracked out Amy Winehouse was willing to get, and how everyone gave such a shit that Lily Allen used to be secretly overweight. No emphasis on their (underwhelming) records, everyone was mostly concerned with who had bigger hair/the most track marks. In fact, I am sitting in a coffee-shop right now while Kate Nash is playing overhead. It is inescapable.

Adele

I understand buzz and hype just as much as the next, but England just needs to stop. Do music producers and executives think they can trick us into thinking each of these girls are relevant and bring something new to the table? Last week, VH1 told me Adele, a “soul singer” from South London, is hot shit because she covered The Strokes. A few weeks before that, it was Duffy, (left) some chick from Whales Wales who somehow tricked people into letting her play Lollapalooza this year. And who can neglect Kate Nash, the other girl from London with the really awkward accent/voice who sings about drinking tea with boyz? I mean, c’mon, people. I’m not so easily fooled. Is there some warehouse in London that teaches girls how to tease their hair and sing like Aretha Franklin? I mean, these girls are just about as prevalent as ironic mustaches at Pitchfork.

Well, at least Lady Sovereign has left us alone for the time being. Yes, I’m sippin’ on that Haterade, but maybe all of these girls can form a super-group and cover The Supremes? Until then, I don’t think I can take any of it seriously.